This is a 'non'-sermon week blog...but I thought I would share some of my own "random" thoughts in the middle of the "got-doubts" sermon series.
It was right about 1 year ago that I had some serious doubts of my own. Is this really what you want me to do? Are you sure I'm supposed to consider taking this job? Can't you make this decision any easier for me? I'll be okay if you decide to close the door...God, what do I do?
I was in the interview process for the Site Director position at the Christian Life Center, one of 3 sites that make up Ankeny First United Methodist Church. I distinctly remember feeling like this was my last shot. I had heard God calling me back to Him in some way, shape or form for a LONG time, but I was too selfish to listen. I can't describe to you what I was feeling other than saying that I felt like I was at my last "Y" in the road. Are you going to follow John, or are you going to walk away from Me.
I had doubts. What if this feeling isn't real? What if I'm buying into a voice in my head that it self-created as a way to calm my fear of the unknown...Our current sermon series at AFUMC has been about some of these same questions...what is going on? Why do we feel this way? Who is Jesus? Why does it matter?
As I reflect on my own doubts...even the ones I still have today...I hope one of the things that is clearly stated/understood in this sermon series is that DOUBT isn't necessarily equal to SIN. That questions and fear don't have to be one way streets away from Christ. I know that often times in my own life, it is the QUESTIONS and FEAR that cause me to rely even more on God, to listen closer for His voice, and then ultimately to make choices, hopefully, with HIS will in mind.
I have doubts. I was supposed to have a rather significant meeting with the district superintendent of our church conference to discuss my "future" today. In my mind, it was to be a "here is your future plan dictated by the conference" type of meeting. I was, mistakenly, hoping that the meeting would satisfy my doubts by providing me clear direction as to the path I should take. Ordination? Licensing? Garbage collector? But, alas, the meeting was cancelled due to the bad weather...
What I am realizing, even again today, is that the only place I can look for answers to my questions, to my doubt, is Jesus Christ. My prayer for you today is that you not ignore the questions you have about life...is that you not consider doubt as a stumbling block, but as an OPPORTUNITY to talk to God. Ask Him a question today.
Maybe we'll both get some new answers. I'll be praying for you. Would you do the same for me.
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Thanks John. I believe we always have opportunities to talk to God. However I feel like many of my questions/doubts will not get answered until the day I meet with Jesus face to face. Everyday I have more questions than answers but at least I feel as though my faith keeps growing stronger. With that said I have trouble understanding how can that be. More questions… building faith. Doesn’t seem logical to me. I know I must continue to build my life upon a foundation of faith, and that my journey will last a lifetime, but it just becomes difficult at times without clear cut answers. I read somewhere that as children of God we are never “fully grown” but instead we continue to “grow up” every day of our life. I do have doubts that I will ever “grow up” to meet with His expectations.
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